The “right person, wrong time” myth
You met them. The chemistry was electric. But they weren't ready. So you hold onto the idea that in another timeline, it would have worked. But is "right person, wrong time" actually real, or is it just a way to romanticize rejection? Here is the hard truth about why timing is actually a compatibility trait.
The comfort of the narrative
We love a tragic romance. There is something so poetic about meeting your "soulmate," only to be thwarted by the cruel universe. Maybe they just got out of a 5-year relationship. Maybe they’re focusing on their career. Maybe they’re moving to London.
Telling yourself it was "right person, wrong time" feels safe. It protects your heart. It means you weren't rejected because you weren't enough; you were rejected because the schedule was off. It keeps the hope alive.
But honestly? That hope is exactly what’s keeping you stuck.
Availability is a compatibility trait
We tend to treat compatibility like a shopping list: they’re funny, smart, kind to their mom, and love The Bear. We treat "timing" as an external annoyance, like hitting traffic on the way to a date.
But timing isn't external. Timing is internal.
If someone isn't emotionally ready to be with you, they aren't the right person. Compatibility requires three things:
Chemistry (the spark)
Shared values (the foundation)
Availability (the open door)
If the door is locked, it doesn't matter how beautiful the house is inside. You still can't live there.
Falling in love with potential
When you cling to the "wrong time" story, you aren't dating the person standing in front of you. You’re dating their potential.
You’re dating the fantasy version of them that would exist if they went to therapy, processed their breakup, or decided they wanted commitment. But that fantasy character isn't real. The reality is the person who is currently looking you in the eye and saying, "I can't give you what you want."
I know it hurts, but please believe them the first time.
Why "wrong time" usually means "avoidant"
Here is the thing I see constantly in my office: often, the "timing" excuse is just a cover for attachment issues.
Someone with an avoidant attachment style often feels suffocated when things get real. They might use "bad timing" (work stress, personal growth, etc.) as a way to hit the brakes without having to be the "bad guy."
The truth? People build relationships during med school, during grief, and during career changes every single day. If you are the "right" person, they make the time right.
Letting go of the ghost
Releasing this myth is painful because it means accepting the loss. It means admitting that the door is closed and you have to walk away.
But walking away is the only way to find someone who is actually ready to meet you there. You deserve a relationship that exists in the present tense, not the conditional future.
Don't save a seat for someone who isn't coming to the table.